Where’d my DeMoN go?

Last year I learned that my artistic excesses are bound to emotional state and need to heal. Meaning to say, if I am doing okay, I don’t feel this compulsion to be ‘artsy’. I’ve now come to believe this all has to do with my inner DeMoN.

Sadness sometimes comes with expressive creativity. And I think this has all to do with ADHD – or rather, two of my brain networks working together while, from a Neurotypical point of view, they shouldn’t.

I’m referring to the DMN (Default Mode Network) and the TPN (Task Positive Network, also known as the DAN – or Dorsal Attention Network).

The DMN is your daydreaming (or nightmare…😱) network – it is great for creativity and thinking out of the box (what box?), but it can also tire you endlessly with pointless thoughts and undesired emotions.

The TPN kicks in when you have a task at hand. Something that needs your attention and needs to be done.

(Neuro)typically, one of those networks phases in after the other one phases out. Unless you have ADHD. Then the whole day is a constant struggle in keeping them both at bay with every decision you make.

In the case that I’m going through a rough patch, it feels like my DMN can go into turbo mode. I think, if then also the TPN kicks in, I tend to get lost in hyperfocussing on dramatic art.

Therapy gave me more control over these networks.

I now recognise this ‘demon’. Thus, I can name it, tame it – or at least contain it.

Meaning, chances of me creating emotional art will get slimmer as I get more control over my brain.

This also means that I will have to find other ways to explore my creativity…

So for now, I’ll just stick to miniature painting then… 😈

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